Am I in a Toxic Relationship?

 

Here’s the truth- it can be hard to recognise that you’re in a toxic relationship.

That’s why so many of us are in one, without even realising it.

Repeated behaviour over time becomes normal – you can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.

Somebody picking at you all the time makes you start to question yourself and creates low self-worth.. This can also stem from childhood if the toxic relationship is with parents/family. Being in a toxic relationship doesn’t necessarily have to be with a sexual partner, it can also be with family members, friends, work colleagues or even yourself.

People who have low self-worth will accept being treated badly, more so than people who don’t, as they won’t have the boundaries. How do you learn how to set boundaries if they were never set for you as a child?

You don’t know what you don’t know.

So if you’re in a cycle of toxic relationships, how do you recognise it?

Here are some signs…

• You always feel like you’re treading on egg shells.
• You get the blame for things that aren’t in your control- did someone of the opposite sex like your Facebook post and you got a load of shit for it?
• There’s a massive lack of trust on both sides – they don’t trust you, and you don’t trust them.
• It’s all take and no give.
• Everything is how they want it.
• Digs – you’re too fat, too thin, you need bigger tits, not wearing that are you?
• You don’t feel like yourself anymore.
• You have become withdrawn from your friends/family.
• The relationship is draining – what mood are they going to be in today?
• Lack of communication. They can do what they want, when they want and you had better not ask questions! You on the other hand, well that’s different..
• They belittle you and put your ideas down.
• They don’t acknowledge your value, making it hard for you to see that value in yourself.
• You aren’t happy – Read that again!
• You can’t do anything right.
• Passive aggression – they’ll make a joke of it afterwards. You feel fearful and aren’t sure how to take things.
• You can’t talk to them about anything.
• Nothing is their fault.
• Sex.. You’re made to feel like it’s their right. It’s your body and it’s still rape/sexual abuse if you do not consent to that sex whether you are in a relationship with that person or not.

 

How do I break the cycle of unhealthy relationships?

DISCLAIMER: If you’re in a violently abusive relationship or you feel scared you must make the police aware or call a domestic violence helpline.

This advice is for people not at crisis point.

To break toxic cycles it’s important that you work on the toxic relationship you have with yourself.

Energies, people and relationships connect to us in ways that are hard to imagine. They become embedded in your tissues and cells literally becoming the make-up of your body. This is one of the reasons why you keep repeating the same old patterns.

Therefore we have to get real, and be kind to ourselves. If you don’t deal with your own shit you will just keep going round in circles.

What’s the root cause? Where did it begin? How do you feel? Why?

When did you start allowing certain behaviours? How did you feel at that time?

Now I’m not here to say ‘it’s just a change of mindset’ because it’s not. This shit is not easy to get out of, as I said, it can be embedded into our whole make-up.

But small steps in the right direction add up. Small steps of being kind to ourselves, listening to ourselves, honouring ourselves..

It takes time.

Start spending time in nature. Even if you think you aren’t a nature person, just spend 15 minutes in the park by the trees. Nature is our natural environment, without the noise, distractions and the electro magnetic fields etc.

Journal how you feel.

Eat more plant-based foods. (Eating junk all the time doesn’t help your mental state. It’s all linked – eat real foods so you can function better).

Drink celery juice.

Meditate.

Have crystal healings, sound healings and Reiki sessions.

Learn about your Chakras (7 energy centres running from the top of your head to the bottom of your spine).  It’s important to have them balanced as blockages in your chakras can cause problems. Do you find it hard to say what you really want to say?  You could have a throat chakra blockage.

Get comfortable in your own company. What do you like doing?

Change your surroundings.

Do something you wouldn’t usually do.. eg an ecstatic dance workshop, a drumming circle, boxing, go to the cinema on your own or be a proper rebel – say no to that thing your kid wants this week and buy yourself a new pair of shoes instead. It’s okay to do that you know.

Know that your feelings matter. You don’t have to keep shutting down your emotions.

Take responsibility for your own healing. It’s not up to you to fix other people.

Ladies, we have two hearts; the heart, obvs, and our wombs, and we hold on to a lot of negative emotions in our sacred womb space; abuse, traumatic experiences, C-Sections, abortions, miscarriages etc. The trauma holds in our ladies part heart. I’d recommend womb healings, yoga, womb massages and hold space for yourself, or find an energy healer who can hold that space for you to talk.

 

Need more advice on ways to heal? Send me an email and lets talk!

Love

Tanya xo

 

 

 

 

(Image from Pixabay, Ryan McGuire)